"Every time I’d block an email address, he would make a new one, and the contact was relentless"

A woman whose life was completely changed after a man in her workplace became obsessed with her has shared her experience to help others recognise the signs of stalking and harassment, and to give others the confidence to report.

 

My life changed when I went to work one day.

I work in the construction industry, and a man at work became obsessed with me.

Being a female in a male-dominated industry can often be hard, and you do get a lot of unwanted attention, but for the most part I was able to brush this off.

This man was different, he wouldn’t stop. He was always just there.

It started off small, he would go out of his way to find me and talk to me, which I responded to politely. However, on one occasion, he asked if he could come to my house for a cup of tea.

It wasn’t long before things started to escalate.

I would finish work an hour after he did, but he would wait in the car park by my car waiting to talk to me.

By this point it was winter, it was dark and I was terrified of finishing work because I knew he would be waiting for me.

I told colleagues who would wait with me to lock up, and on another occasion a colleague stopped his car to prevent him from following me.

During these encounters he would tell me I look pretty or would ask for my number or to talk.

Every time I said no. I made it clear I wasn’t interested.

I raised it directly with his manager, who kept an eye on his behaviour.

Working in construction, I wrapped up this project and moved to a different site, and hoped that would be the last I’d see or hear from him.

But that wasn’t the case.

He called the head office at my place of work three times a day continuously, as he was trying to find my contact details.

I thought nothing of it until I got a call from my manager, who asked me not to go to my usual place of work, and meet him somewhere off-site.

I was worried but still at this point I didn’t understand the gravity of it all.

My manager disclosed that the man had been going out of his way to find and contact me. He found another girl, in a similar role, with exactly the same name as me, and was harassing and contacting her, sending her long love letters.

The other girl contacted police and my workplace because they feared that I was in danger.

But within weeks his behaviour escalated, he sent various gifts before one day he drove to the door of this girl’s house expecting to find me. It wasn’t my address, but he refused to leave until he saw me.

In the letters he acted like he had known me for years, and he deeply believed that we were meant to be together.

Police were involved, and he was arrested for stalking myself and the other girl.

At court, I bumped into him and I could feel him staring straight at me. It was so intimidating.

During his defence, he declared his love for me. He was still convinced he could win me over, even in front of the judge.

He told the whole court he had no plans to stop contacting me, until he had the opportunity to win me over.

It was petrifying.

He was found guilty but put on police bail until sentencing. He was given strict conditions not to contact me.

But even though he wasn’t supposed to, he didn’t give up messaging me.

He started viewing my LinkedIn profile and would try to engage with me on Facebook, and he continued to declare his love for me.

He would make comments such as, ‘I don’t think you’ve reported me, because I think you secretly like me.’

But I did report him, and I did block him. I wanted it to stop.

Every time I’d block an email address, he would make a new one, and the contact was relentless.

He would call non-stop, and every time I blocked him there would be a new number.

He was arrested again, and eventually sentenced. He was handing a restraining order and Stalking Protection Order.

The court process was slow, and difficult, and there were challenges along the way.

It is difficult being a victim in a case like this, but I would urge anyone not to give up.

This behaviour is unacceptable, and needs to be reported.

Support is available.

I worked closely with Bedfordshire Victim Care Services who were fantastic. I was also given an Independent Stalking Advocacy Caseworker through Paladin.

If you were affected by this blog, remember there is support available.

You can call 101 to report, but always call 999 in an emergency. You can report the crime or you can contact the National Stalking Helpline for more advice.

If you are a victim of stalking and harassment you can contact Bedfordshire Victim Care Services, which offers free and confidential support regardless of whether the crime was reported to the police.

There are also a number of support organisations which you can contact by phone or online. See the full list.