This poem has been written as part of an art therapy programme provided by Nine Red Presents.
The poems depict the very real and raw emotions from survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault. We understand there are many challenges faced when leaving a relationship, or coming forward to report abusive behaviour, but you are not alone.
If you are affected by anything you read in this poem, then please follow the links for support.
This poem is a survivor’s tale, an inner narrative of shame and self-blame and a snapshot of the flashbacks that can grip and hold sometimes. We commend the survivor for sharing their story.
My Last Breath
I knew that I was taking my last breath
This brings a certain clarity
My flesh torn and my body broken
By this monster still on top of me
I know that I am about to die
Unless the Angels save me
A truly tragic waste of life
I shall be nothing more than a memory
My left eye is swollen shut, it won’t open
My right is sealed by congealed blood
My body paralysed by fear and damage
Whilst he holds me down and thrusts and thuds
He’s hurting me
And there I was; consumed in darkness
But could feel a weight upon my chest
Something trickled across my stomach
I thought I was buried, but not laid to rest
It hurts my soul to admit the truth
But I could see no other way to survive
His tear filled face was the weight on my chest
I think he thought I was no longer alive
He killed me
I cannot explain the reason why
Bravery, strength, broken, weakness or fear
While he cried with his head on my chest
I soothed his pain and wiped away his tears
So as I took my final breath
It was not my body that was about to die
My wounds would heal, the scars will fade
But the memory haunts me every day of my life
I wish he killed me
I died that day, and repeatedly since
I’m no longer that girl, bubbly and strong
I join the ranks of the walking dead
While the unwelcome days of life move slowly on.
If you were affected by this blog, remember there is support available.
We have a dedicated domestic abuse team – Emerald – which is always on hand to support.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse you can contact Bedfordshire Victim Care Services, which offers free and confidential support regardless of whether the crime was reported to the police.
Mental health crisis support for all ages is available 24 hours a day every day across Bedfordshire and Luton by contacting NHS 111 (option 2) or the Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone).
If you have concerns about your partner you might be eligible to ask the police about their past through the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, also known as Clare’s Law. Read more and submit an application.